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So the Journey Begins!

While I thought long and hard and was planning on beginning my blog when I was in peak condition as well as the videos for my personal training workouts, I was reminded of the societal pressure we as a collective place on each other. I see the other personal trainers I’ve gotten to know with their chiseled bodies and their preaching of "you do the work and you will get the results" and I came to a very important conclusion. I don’t want to be that. I don’t want to do that. I don’t want to instill that sense of shame and failure in anyone let alone the people who I am working with and for. I want you to see the raw, the uncomfortable and the pain and know that you are not alone and we will do this together.

All my life I have been the skinny girl. I danced and watched my beautiful mother and the other dancers pinch their perfectly skinny waists and I was lucky enough to be in that crowd, that club and that societal standard of perfection. That changed. After a year of stress and moving and grief losing my parents I was forced to grieve something else along with it. I was forced to grieve the skinny Minnie me. I got the belly and the weight and watched myself unable to exercise after a stress fracture and hip labrum injury and I fought. This is the real raw part of the journey I was so terrified to show the world or my clients.

I am not afraid to show it anymore. So far I have begun to lose the weight but I am having to discover new ways of moving, new issues to work around and a new acceptance of the healthy way to get to where I want.

It has also come with new goals.

I no longer want to be the 92 pound self I was before. Now my fitness journey has become about being strong. It's about not feeling the pain in my joints, listening to my body and being grateful for the ability to do this the healthy way. I had a nasty little habit of not eating when I began to gain weight and that for me is not an option anymore. I don’t want to be that girl. So I am cooking and learning and working but its different than it's ever been. Its grueling, its not pleasant all the time and its hard and its sad and sometimes I feel like I want to give up. It’s a push I have never before had to give myself but I am beyond grateful I get to see this part of me. The raw strength it takes to come back from that and to do it in a way where it isn’t immediate and it doesn’t show in the mirror. I am finding beauty in the pain and the tears which I never did before and its been refreshing.

I have learned new markers to pay attention to, like walking to dance classes and learning that I was able to walk at a brisk pace without being winded and I was there before I knew it. It’s getting up in the morning and my hips don’t hurt as much as they have been. It’s not feeling the pain in the ball of my foot from where my stress fracture happened and it's watching my posture change. All these little things begin to add up. This is the part of the journey I want to start sharing with my readers and my clients. I want to help you all celebrate the little wins, recognize your achievements and embrace the slow, gentle and rewarding process this can be to get healthy. Not Because society says we should but because we deserve to be pain free, and happy, but most of all successful. I want to redefine success so we avoid that feeling of hopeless and failure when we miss the marks on the scale we had been told we should expect if we were “putting in the work.”

I want to reinvent the ways in which we accomplish these goals and I want you and I and everyone who is jumping on this bandwagon to enjoy the journey. I want to hear if you have fears, if you have questions and if I don’t have the answers right away I say let’s figure this out together. I want you to embrace one simple idea.